March 4, 2024

Ending Well

By Ken Giglio, Principal of Mindful Leadership

We know all relationships end, no matter how much we want them to last. We experience this self-evident truth when there is a breakup with a partner or friend, a valued employee leaves, or the ultimate ending, the death of a family member. All endings are inevitable and necessary to make way for new beginnings.

And, sometimes we can’t wait for relationships to end, like those with challenging bosses or staff members or with friends who consistently let us down. Either way, our relationships, be they joy-filled, burdensome, or anything in between, come to an end. The question is not when the ending occurs, but how it is experienced as healthy. How can we end well?

Endings are planned or suddenly happen, and with both scenarios there is a critical need for us to process the event and its aftermath as individuals and in groups.

As William Bridges highlights in his classic book, Managing Transitions, change is an event external to all involved, whereas the way we process the change is an internal psychological transition. We all absorb and process change differently. Acknowledging there are practical and psychological considerations that come with endings supports a healthy approach, whether we saw an end coming or it blindsided us.

Some endings in business settings are planned, such as when a team or entire organization changes direction and transforms to keep pace with an evolving industry or corporate environment. Leaders plan for the end of an employee’s tenure or role, whether it’s for retirement, elevation to the next level, or under-performance.

An ending viewed as necessary and planned for in the C-Suite is often viewed down the ranks as sudden and jarring. It takes a systemic view and mindful, caring leadership to manage and guide ourselves and others through endings and out the other side.

Endings are relational and emotional, whether we acknowledge our feelings about the situation at the time or not. Grief is present in varying degrees and is not a linear process, nor does it follow a model. Endings reside inside people’s minds and bodies and in our collective environment.

When something or someone we expected or depended on begins to fade from view or is one day here and the next day gone we inevitably have an emotional reaction. How we manage our emotions through endings and help others deal with them is the most important to keep in mind. The What that ended is less important than the How we process it, which could be by grieving or cheering.

By naming an ending, the What, we provide a grounding in reality and a measure of certainty in uncertain times. This naming opens the door to the How we will come to grips with what occurred and create the space for how we will prepare for what’s next.

One executive I coached declared to their team the current culture of the team was ending and a new “transformed” culture was beginning. This executive acknowledged the current culture had served past business needs; however, in anticipation of continued upheavals in the digital space, especially with Artificial Intelligence, a new, more agile approach would be needed.

This new culture of agility and increased collaboration within the team and across the enterprise took hold (when the leader acknowledged it and named it an ending.) The team was then given some space to process the closing of the door on their past culture. Too many culture change initiatives die on the vine because an ending isn’t named for what is: a delineation between past and future states. Creating healthy endings means being clear an ending is happening.

Being a mindful leader means taking responsibility for ending well, for ourselves, our teams, and our organizations. To set the conditions for a healthy ending, we need to take responsibility to begin well. All practical aspects of how people come together at work need to be anticipated upfront and agreed upon by a group or team. These practical aspects, which are set at the beginning of a project or team formation, like team norms, create a touchstone to refer to throughout the work of a team and help us to end well.

I’m finding it hard to end this article. There is always more to say about endings, and the longer we live, the more endings we experience. (I promise to return to this topic soon.)

Yet, if I don’t end it here and declare my post over, I will hold myself back from other things, among them writing another blog post. This present ending is connected to my bigger goal of writing more in general. So, I’m compelled to move on to my next beginning, mindful whatever I do will eventually end.

A question to hold for reflection:

How can we learn from our inevitable endings and be healthy and well in knowing everything ends?